Spaz

*Whistles a bit*

Yup, the blog is as empty as my mind used to be.

Now I'm moving on to a full rewrite of my novel. Not just going to write the new section for NaNo '11. I'm going to rewrite the whole damn thing. And it's going to be awesome.

And then there was light...

The clouds opened up, and within, I could see the shining nugget that was inspiration.

Yea, and though the source was not new, the inspiration was, and it is a beautiful thing.

Finally, after  4 years, this is an idea that may come to completion.

Or at least closer to it.

Let November come.

We will be ready.

Word of Explanation

When I write things like Apprehension, don't worry.
Like the words of the song say, Never Mind Me
I'm probably looking at the sky, trying to find a reason why...
Me writing these things are nothing sinister.
Writing is my release, my way of letting go of the fears that might hold me back.
It lays down the foundation for greatness... greatness stepping on stones of things that once were walls.

Procrastination

Guess I could call it practice for NaNo.

Yup. Solitaire. Internet TV. Firefly Reruns. You name it, I've done it these past weeks. You'd think it would be easy to stop.

But it's not.

It's a drug.

Procrastination.

Writer's Drug of Choice.

Complete with harsh side effects like angry editors and self-loathing.

Get yours today!

Apprehension

Used to be I felt excitement.
The tingly kind, where you can't wait, like Christmas morning.
But this year, I feel something different, something new.

Apprehension.

Looks like an innocuous word, right?
It's not. It's like fear. A word that conveys so much in so little and I don't like it.

It's what I'm feeling this year.

Sure, nerves are nothing new. I've felt that for a few years now.
But
This year, I'm unsure.

Unsure if I'll be able to do it.
Unsure if I'll come up with an idea.

The list could go on, but what it boils down to is
Apprehension.

D-Day is 23 days away.

Maybe it is because there are bigger things to worry about, bigger fish to fry.
Hopefully that is the case, and come November 1, the words flow like they always do.
Let's hope that is the case.

~theanab

Little Girls and Big Books

I got to know a tiny little girl a little bit better this weekend.  Her name is Josie and she's the most stubborn 1 1/2 year old I've ever had the privilege to meet.  She has big brown eyes and wavy brown hair and a rusty diaper from riding in the Radio Flyer.  She loves her Uncle Ben best and refuses to nap.  She wears her parents out and wants to do it all and all her own way.  She won me over by bringing me "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" to read to her rather than the asinine children's books they print these days.  I kissed the top of her head and wished her good wishes because I was that little girl once with the defiant tilt of a chin and big books in hand that made me angry because I couldn't read them yet.  I can most certainly read them now; they make up the conglomerate of my life.  So, Josie, stick to the big books and keep your enormous will.  You'll need them.  Oh, how you are going to need them.

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present...

THE PINK LAMY SAFARI!

As the teaser suggests, I did it.


Granted, I did end up paying more than I would have through Goulet or Jetpens, but still. I have the satisfaction of being able to shop local.


Though, I am going to virtually slap LFP and MT Coalhopper for introducing me to the Goulet site--I'd never been there before, and that was probably a good thing. :P

So.. here's the specs.

Paid $35.00 for it, 4.95 for the converter, and 4.50 for a pack of cartridges because I was impatient and thought I'd get a chance to use it before I got home where there is ink. (I didn't, but oh well. I now have Lamy Blue-Black Ink on hand and in the pen!) Bout a five to eight dollar difference when you consider shipping, but that's okay.
The color is closest to the picture from Goulet above--my phone couldn't get the color right, and I don't know where my card reader is for my camera. But truth is, it's just pretty. It'll be really pretty with black ink.

But above all:
It's pink.

In the shop, the pen had a medium nib on it. This is the great thing about small stores--the guy (I think the owner's son) replaced it with a Fine nib from another pen for me. No charge.

So... writing with it... it's different experience. The Fine Nib is pretty fine--my Waterman is a broad medium nib, while my Schaeffer is spidery and cool. I'm glad I didn't go with the extra-fine nib. I like superfine points for my cramped notes handwriting, but at that same time, a fountain pen isn't the best medium for that sort of writing--I tend to hold the pen more upright, and very close to the end. A fountain pen, especially one that is specifically shaped like the Lamy, doesn't so much allow me to do that, but I'm okay with that. Makes it perfect for the more relaxed writing I like when I'm drafting. I might order a medium nib, just for variety and maybe even a bold--remember, I love a bold line on yellow paper--but we'll see where things goes.

I got to say--I know why you all love these pens. I'm glad I made the purchase and supported a local shop. I also talked to the guy there, and he said I'd be great to come in and take pictures! Means some advertising for them, which is cool. I like helping local businesses. I'm excited for this pen. I think good things are to come!!!

Teaser

The Dilemma

It's a simple one, really. A question of maybe nine dollars, at least right now.
I'm buying a lamy safari. I decided this last week. But, here is my question.
Do I pay more to support the local stationary shop, or do I give in to the man and buy it online and save some money?
I'm torn. Honestly. I like money and having it, which is an argument for ordering. And, more waiting might make me appreciate it more (although I have already waited nearly a week.). But, buying local is better for the environment and does good to support the cute old man who owns the shop. And he has a pink one. I like pink.
I think I know what I'm going to do... anyone else want to chime in?

Look what I found!!!!!!!

 I will be posting pictures when I go back to buy a Lamy Safari--I now understand what the fuss is about. He has Clairefontaine too. And lots of other stuff. Nearly forty years in business..

Course, less than 20 minutes after I left this place, some dude totaled his truck on mine, so the day went kinda wonky after that... But still. I've got something to look forward to. 

I'm ALIVE...I think

So...as for where I've been:  new semester, new relationship, first illness of the season.  That pretty much sums up my complete lack of brain power.  Wow.
Anyway, the new semester brought me an awesome new opportunity:  to be on the staff of my university's student literary journal.  I'm already hooked.  We meet weekly, feed each other gourmet foods (i.e. pancakes, curried chicken, chips and salsa...whatever we have on hand), and talk poetry, short stories, and essays.  Submissions will start arriving soon and I can't wait.  I'll be editing the poetry.  I'm going to miss this when I graduate.  There will be fewer opportunities to have discussions like these; to spend time with people who think about these things.  I'm trying my hardest to relish every second.

*Pokes M*

Where the hell are you, lady? We miss you! Everyone has had to put up with me for far too long...

Yours,
A

Viente y seis

It's up to 26 today. Wait, better add two more to that number. Every time I check my email I just toss a few more on the pile. Today was supposed to be my day to write all 12 of those, but now with the pile reaching up to 28, my time went to watching TV and working on all the parts of the application that didn't involve writing essays. The good thing is that a lot of those parts are done now... but I still have the essays to write.

Maybe I should get on them... Okay, new question: What should be my reward to myself for finishing them?

We could be rich!

...If only we could find a cure for Writer's Block.

Yup, I'm suffering from it. I've got 12 essays of varying length to write for applications, and I'm stuck on them. Sure, I've got a few ideas, but when I sit down and write them, they fizzle. Badly. I know I've complained about this before, but it sucks! I need inspiration, and quickly--the essays just keep piling up. Five of those 12 came in today.

So, I'm going to ask you all again, as I've probably done in the past. HELP! What do you do to get rid of Writer's Block?

Yay NaNoWriMo!

Okay, couldn't help myself. What with LFP posting her call about NaNo, i just thought I'd share the love. I'm heading into year five, and am kinda excited about it... That said, it might turn into last year again, where I make 50K and stop writing, but still... It's writing, right?

So are you all this excited for this too?

Getting caught up

With school back in session and my finally having more than five minutes in the morning on the computer, I just thought I'd let you know that I'll be around more from now on. I'll be finishing up the Vignette Challenge posts, and have a few ideas up my sleeve that I hope you'll like. Of course, I could just be psyching all of you out like I've done many times before, but hopefully, that doesn't end up being the case.

Yup, that's about it for the update right now.

I'm going to go back to working on the complete rewrite of my 2007 preNaNo project.

Cheers.

The best thing about being back...

...is the obligatory trip to the bookstore for those important supplies!!! Course, my campus bookstore isn't as great as Strikethru's, but it's not that bad...

Now, this year, they didn't have everything that I was looking for, like my favorite legal pads, but I didn't do too bad...

So, take a look at the haul, all $386 of it...

Five books for one class. Looks like it's going to be fascinating, but still. It's a lot of reading.


Got the last copy of this one. The new edition comes out next year, with this one being over 10 years old, so you'd expect some used copies, right? Nope. Had to buy it new.


As I work on this post, I'm waiting for this last class to start. The prof just walked in... But the books look fascinating.


Besides the required books, I also scored a few fun things.

Like this new Zebra fountain pen. Never seen them before, never seen a review of them, but it looks pretty... although when I did a writing test (full review to be posted soon), I'm not quite sure how I like it. Maybe I just like the weight of a nicer fountain pen... but $4.99 was cheap!


I've also fallen in love with the look of a broad line on yellow paper... So, there are two pads of yellow paper in my stash, as well as some new broad points.


 I scored a few new pens and a clicky highlighter.


And of course, a pad of one of my favorite papers.


And, last, but of course, not least, a new General's Layout Pencil. As you can see in the picture below, the last one I bought is growing shorter by the day. I love this pencil.


And thus concludes the tour de supplies for this semester... or at least this first week. I'm sure I'll be picking more up as the semester goes along...

Happy Book - August Edition

Because I go back to school in a week, this is all you get.  I have no brain.  Enough said.

1. a second chance
2. LAVA HOT SPRINGS
3. the Chuckwagon, the scandal, the ambulance, the river rafting...
4. two hours of cheesy Taylor Swift sing-a-long with the Bartman
5. and the resulting voice loss
6. Polynesian dance
7. discovering the teacher I've been all along
8. passing notes
9. coming home late to the blessed relief of oreos on the kitchen counter
10. being told I clean up well and a guy staring just confirming it
11. three fat kittens on my lap all at once
12. the mossy swimming hole
13. Chick and Bandit, oh the doggy devotion
14. eight-year Ginger driving me on the four wheeler, I thought I was going to die
15. goat meat
16. sleeping on the screened porch listening to sprinklers, trains, coyotes, and Uncle Steve baling hay
17. the laundry rock and the view that goes with it
18. hunting the broody chicken
19. birthday plotting
20. Dad

We apologize for The interruption...

...your regularly scheduled program will resume shortly... once I'm done working twelves and have time to.type up the rest of my vignettes.

Enjoy what's here... more good stuff to come!

On Losing Family

It's funny who becomes our family. Half the time, they're not blood at all, but something better. Friends. They say blood is thicker than water, but friendship is thicker than both, and I heartily agree. Not having siblings of my own, I've adopted family from all over. People come into our lives, and if we embrac them, they can surely change ours lives.

There's a song from Wicked that I love.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

 You never really think about what someone means to you until they're gone, right? You might see them everyday and say I love you, but that's it. You don't tell them thank you, thank you for all of the things that they've given you or the way they've changed your life.

For me, the saying goodbye is the hardest part. Death, while but the next great adventure, is tough. Even though it isn't the end, while the spiral just continues on, at the time, it feels so final. I always come back to the same Big and Rich song at times like this.

It's complicated, when love has faded
And you can't hold on anymore
You gotta let go even though you know
Your heart's gonna hate it
And it just might break it

The only solution, is making the conclusion
That it's just another lesson in life
Even though it's over,
it's never really over at goodbye
No matter how hard you try

[Chorus:]
You never stop loving somebody
No matter what you tell yourself
You never stop loving somebody
You just, start loving somebody else

 I've cried my tears, and now, it's time to celebrate a life. The life that gave me two of dearest friends, the ones who have been there when all my human friends have gone away. I'll see you on the other side, mama horse.

I have him because of her.

I guess there is just one last thing to say...

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good 

Fear

Written a few days ago...

Close your mind to sentiment and your heart to feeling.
Run, run faster than you've ever run before.
Hide away, lock yourself away from the pain that is sure to come.
Forget the joy, the sorrows, the laughter, forget it all.
Embrace the unfeeling twilight.
Embrace the fall.

Pilgrimage

I fully understand why repetition is such a part of religion.  I walk these trails, swim these lakes, climb these mountains, and search this feeling out in the same order, every year.  It is my trip to Mecca, my cathedral, and my Wailing Wall. My pilgrimage begins in a drive to the top of the world and a small descent into a dimple in it.  My supplicant steps take me over the flats and to Ferron, Deep, Duck, and Emerald waters respectively.  I bow to the family trees and meditate in the fields of indian paintbrush and count my riches in the creeks running gold.  And the rhythm gained here lasts the year...my pilgrimage is complete.

Hands II

Written Wed Sep 10, 2008, 11:15 AM

I take a second look at my hands, and I see more than i saw the first time.
They've been ripped up from doing work on the house, long red marks where the blisters have popped and the skin hasn't quite healed yet. There's white bits of skin too, loose skin that I'm constantly picking at. There's scrapes and slashes from the world, where I've been doing construction where and a loose nail just happens to catch on my skin, or a errant dog claws tends to find a home, long lines on my arm.
Looking at my hands, I wonder if I'm going the right place in my life. Would I be better as an artist, finding time to paint and to sculpt, always having clay under my nails? I see my fingers and feel the strength in them, strength that lets me throw a damn sexy pot on the wheel. I wonder if working with clay all the time is the way that i should go, or if people is more my style. The, I remember what I was doing a few days ago, remember why I chose the path that i was on.
It's still raining outside, and I can feel the coldness of the support pillar against my back as I lean on it and drink my coffee. I'm here, sitting, watching the people at the museum, again, knowing why i do what I do.
But back to the hands again, hands that can span ten white keys on the piano without thinking, hands that love to play jazz and blues and everything in between. These are hands that are more than just a writers hands, more than just the hands of a sometimes horse trainer and potter. They're not just working hands. They are hands that hold a story in their depths, each crease, each line and scar a memory, a tattoo with a better story.

Hands I

Written Sun Aug 17, 2008, 5:51 PM

I wonder it would be like if someone were to change bodies with me and see my hands.
They aren't the hands of someone who spends a life inside, fingers white and soft, the nails manicured. No, my hands are those what have done a day's work outside.
But if someone were to look at my hands, what would they say? Would they comment in the numerous scars from years of playing with knives and other tools, the burns from ropes, the calluses of a shovel, and the fine lines the sun and clay leave in someone's hands. I've got long fingers perfect for playing the piano, and the strength in them from long years of doing just that.
My nails aren't perfect--and i don't want them to be that way. I'd rather have paint and clay under my nails than the perfect French Manicure every day.
I look down at my hands right now, and I see many things. There is the scar on the back of my right hand from where I got hit with a garbage can, and the three white scars on my thumb from metal ribs and glass when casting one of my first glass sculptures. I've got blisters from remodeling, angry red patches that hurt when I type, but remind me of the happy work that I've been doing.
I've got calluses, too, calluses from long days using a shovel and a pitchfork, calluses and scars from the effects of baling twine and hauling hay. Mine are working hands, and I like that about them. I like the constant black smudges from ink and the perpetual hard spot on my middle finger that comes from writing with a fountain pen.
I wouldn't trade my hands with anyone.

GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLL!

Yes, I'm missing World Cup Soccer. <3 watching it on Univision, where the announcers make the Goal last for 30 seconds or longer. I haven't had the time to get any sort of soccer fix, truth be told, but that's okay, because I achieved a goal of my own!

Last year, I wrote that I wanted to tighten up my writing, to remove the fluff and crap that had long been the bane of my sometimes existence. Well, I've officially done that. Try cutting words to make character counts out of pieces that are super tight. IT SUCKS! But, it's definite improvement--last year, they were so fluffy that it is now nauseating.

Yup, just wanted to give a shoutout to myself.

Now, I may well go find some fútbol to watch.

Cheers